I want to be clear RE: Cis people and dfab trans people talking about liking girl dick
Being attracted to trans women, especially trans girls who have penises and even like our penises and want to keep them, etc etc, that’s not bad. That’s not bad at all, in fact that’s great.
The problem arises in how we’re objectified past the point of sex object, into broken sex object, abstract shameful fetish.
It isn’t just sexualization, it’s ultrasexualized desexualization as well. There’s a fucking disorder in the dsm designed to pathologize normal female sexuality for trans women and trans women only as some kind of hypersexed illness that causes us to be trans for fuck’s sake (autogynephilia).
Nothing you do happens in a vacuum. This ultrasexualized desexualization and the objectification and fetishization of trans girls, all of these things arise from a transmisogynist society and color every single interaction you have with us. Including your attractions.
Few people are a stranger to me talking about how transmisogyny influences attraction to trans women as that pertains to seeing us as revolting and ugly (yet still hypersexual and deserving zero boundaries, i.e. unrapeable, unabuseable, boundaryless fetishes to hurt and use and throw away like garbage). But it affects healthier sexual interactions with us too.
The elements of fetishization and hyperobjectification of trans girls means that cis people and dfab trans people expressing their healthier types of attraction to us often comes with really fucked up wording and really objectifying and even sexually violent microaggressions.
“Best of both words” is one of the best examples of subtle but intense objectification, fetishizing and degendering attacks on our humanity by people who nevertheless still have a healthier sexual interaction with us than those responding directly to the desexualization element of transmisogyny. They think it’s a compliment we’d like. They think it’s beneficial.
It’s still damaging though.
When cis people and dfab trans people talk about liking us and they use phrases that are subtly fetishizing or degendering or objectifying, they’re amplifying the harm done by these things because transmisogyny is a massive amplification lens for sexual objectification
So if you’re cis or dfab and you say, “I fucking love girl dick, girl cock is the best cock” you might think you’re being great, that your expression of attraction for trans women is helpful and combats transmisogyny and is a lovely complement to make us feel good. That might even be true for some trans women (really though, we’re so hated we often take anything, including sexual abuse from chasers, so think about how far that goes).
But the way you’ve phrased it? It’s objectifying normally, to talk about a group of folk based entirely on their genitalia (plus not all of us have penises oop). And it is unbelievably objectifying to trans women because of the fact that you are not speaking in a vacuum, you’re speaking in a transmisogynist society where chasers and fetishization and hatred of us reign.
You might be wondering, “well fuck, how do I even give compliments then?”
Well you might have to actually step a little carefully when complimenting us. You might have to think first. You might have to be mindful of the transmisogynist environment you were raised in, that we were raised in and that we’re all swimming in right now.
You might have to think before you talk so that you can actually have healthy and mutually beneficial relationships with us, instead of doing harm.
And I don’t think that’s too much to ask
Btw, trans women can say things like “girl cock is the best cock” because we don’t have the social power to objectify ourselves
(Source: punlich)
