The Hind End of Space

shitthesignssay:

Aries- Eat your children, scream in your face, stomp around in a murderous rage for 10 minutes then return to normal as if nothing happened. Think ‘the Hulk’.

Taurus- Will pin you against the wall and suck your fucking soul out. Be prepared to sit there in agony for hours as they bring up every tiny mistake you’ve ever made in your entire life.

Gemini- Short burst of insults and hand gestures followed by a few ‘yo mama’ jokes at your expense. Then they’ll get bored and leave you wondering what even happened.

Cancer- These people will use passive aggressive behaviors on you and ‘forget’ important things to you. Not too bad, until you corner them. Then you’re going to have an emotional meltdown on your hands. Punishment by sympathy.

Leo- Yelling and screaming and pacing in circles explaining to you exactly why they’re better than you. A common phrase used in a Leo burst of anger is “YOU’RE JUST JEALOUS”. Luckily, this drama fest is over within a few minutes and they won’t hold it against you.

Virgo- Anger fires up their whiny glands! They’ll first complain about everything you do and then pick you completely apart making sure to mention the faults you’re especially self conscious about.

Libra- Will never LOOK like they’re being mean to you, but will sling clever insults at you until you walk away feeling like shit about yourself. Most of these insults will come from relationship experience and poor choices in fashion.

Scorpio- Won’t scream at you, just stalk you and murder you in a bathtub. If you’ve cheated on them, expect to be tortured and killed slowly. They’ll most likely keep a souvenir of your body to show their next suitors.

Sagittarius- Will get red-purple in the face and then proceed to run as far away as possible as to “not hurt you”. Possibly gets a snow cone later that night.

Capricorn- Normally they’ll yell at you and tell you you’re incompetent. But if you’ve truly hit boiling point, expect shit to start going wrong in your life. Your back account will go mysteriously empty and none of your friends or family will speak to you.

Aquarius- These guys will first hide and then call you and scream at you. They want you to know they run shit and that they control how the fight goes. Once you’re on the phone with them, they’ll make sure you stay on the line until they’ve told you what a piece of shit you truly are.

Pisces- Run into their room and scream into their pillow. You might see some angry/sad Twitter updates but when you ask what’s wrong, they’ll reply “nothing”. They’ll continue to sulk until they decide to forgive you.