Confession time:
I always hated being the only trans girl most of my friends knew.
I’ve always felt like I’ve had to represent the whole group positively, and well, I am neither the best example nor a good role model. Yet, people constantly tell me they see me as “inspiring” or “brave”. I am neither of those things, especially the latter. I’m terrified most of the time. Terrified of being misgendered or attacked, having insults thrown at me. I was always alone, never having friends I could truly relate to. Sure, that has changed now but I feel it’s had a lasting affect on me. I just wish people were more understanding of the shit we face, you know?
People only seem to care about trans women when one of us dies or is attacked. We’re used as scapegoats for privilege and oppression arguments. You wanna know something? I’ve met some pretty fucking privileged trans women in my day. Some of them have no IDEA what it’s like trying to transition while living with an unsupportive family, fearing you’ll get kicked out if you change your name. It’s terrifying. I’ve had my self-esteem destroyed so many times that I doubt I even have it anymore.
What I’m saying is, please listen. Please understand what we–what I go through day after day. The fear, the anxiety, the dysphoria, the self-consciousness. Just remember that at the end of the day, all I’d want is to be cis, and not have to worry about any of this.
Don’t treat me like “the trans girl friend”.
