So generally when I have to talk to my parents about ~trans stuff~, I do it by writing them a letter, mostly because whenever I try to actually TALK to them about these sorts of things, they change the fucking subject and start attacking me.
Since I intend to get my name changed within the next few weeks, I’ve prepared what is hopefully the last letter I ever have to write to them.
I’d like some input if at all possible.
Dear Mom and Dad,
Over this winter break, I will be getting my name legally changed to Sophia Claire Thomas.
This is not an attack on you. This is just who I am, and something I need to do and have been procrastinating on for far too long. I know you like to dodge the topic of my condition whenever it comes up, but you need to understand that yes, I do indeed have this. This is not a phase. It’s a medical diagnosis. I certainly never would have received a prescription for the hormones I take every day if I didn’t actually have this. It would be incredibly advantageous for me to get that name on my diploma when I graduate.
I’d like you to speak to some other parents of transgender youths. I feel that’s one thing you haven’t done, and it would help you get a better perspective on things. Some of them accepted their kid at a very young age, and in one case, helped her finish her transition at age 18. Now, I’m not saying I want you to pay for any of my transition stuff—far from it. I just want the acceptance, which is worth more than all the money in the world.
And on the topic of money, I know that you want me to pay for all that car insurance and phone bill silliness before I do any of the things I consider important. But see, this is actually a good chance, because with me changing my name, that way we can just transfer the payments and stuff over to me and change my name on them at the same time. It would be killing two birds with one stone. When you try to bring this stuff up when I want to discuss transition related matters, I feel like it’s an attack on me because you’re trying to change the subject.
I understand that you and many other members of the extended family were happy when I was born, that the family “finally has a son”. But you need to understand that I’m my own person. Do you know how much it hurt when I told you not to call me by my birth name in front of my friends, and you responded with “I can call you whatever the fuck I want”? It hurt a lot. Saying something like that tells me you don’t see me as a person. I know you’re all concerned with Stacey “wanting a brother”, even though she never shows me any respect, and Meme and Pa wanting a grandson, but did you ever see things from my point of view? You may think of that as selfish, but what’s more selfish: me wanting to be myself, or you trying to make me into how you see me? Sometimes I wonder how things would go if the situation were reversed: what if I was born female and discovered I was actually a guy? Would you have been all accepting then?
I know the topic of interests comes up to. It’s funny that you consider all the things I got made fun of for doing really “masculine”, because I actually know a lot of girls with those same interests. In fact, a lot of them actually look up to me, because they find a queer person as adept at model building/painting as me quite inspiring. I happen to remember you thought my interests were too “childish” ten years ago, so what, they were childish then, but “manly” now? Which is it? And if you think all my nerdy stuff is too “manly”, I’d like to introduce you to my friends Danielle and Alyssa; a former high school football and hockey player and an ex-Marine, respectively. Interests don’t have genders. People do.
I know some of this sounds a bit confrontational, but please understand that I’m not trying to hurt you. You’re hurting yourselves by taking this personally. I just want to be myself, and having support from my parents is incredibly important. I’m out at both school and work, and they manage to be accepting. This is the only place where I’m not accepted, and I feel that’s a bit backwards. If I can get my mostly braindead coworkers to accept me for who I am, why can’t you?
Please take what I’ve said into consideration, and just remember that I’m going to be gone this summer. I’d like to leave home on good terms.
Love,
Your oldest daughter,
Sophia
